Are you hanging on to what makes you unhappy

Pooja Bedi

Pooja Bedi represents the uninhibited, strong willed, personally and professionally successful modern Indian woman who has donned many hats. Her prolific career spans the worl

Are you one of the many who are hanging to jobs you don’t like, hanging onto people you don’t particularly enjoy being with, hanging onto relationships you’ve outgrown, or hanging onto the past in a manner that is detrimental? Like a beautiful pair of shoes that aren’t the right size for you, letting go of what is no longer meant for you, is all about emotional attachment that is not conducive to your needs and damaging to your reality. You can limp along in painful shoes or choose to slip out of them, heal, and put on a pair of shoes that empower you and comfort you as you grow into your next size. Change is difficult, but holding onto what no longer fits is even more so. The lockdown must have opened your eyes to many dysfunctional aspects of your life and you must have re-evaluated your choices and created new priorities. It’s important to have a plan rather than just hobble along indefinitely. Step 1 is to create a bigger picture. Imagine your life 10 years from now. What is it that you would like to be doing, who is beside you, what surrounds you and what is your bank balance? Visualise a perfect picture, feel it, breathe it in, resonate with the reality of the moment, be it. Now do this every single morning as you wake up and every night before you go to sleep because as you slip into an alfa brain wave you access your subconscious and amplify the desire by 6000 times. Focus on what you want, not what you fear. Most importantly, remember, you can change your reality, but the reality of others is their choice. Some people may move away and some may gravitate towards you, because as you evolve, your needs will and so will your vibrations. Those who don’t match your reality will dissolve and new avenues open up. You have to be prepared for that. For example, you may be in an abusive relationship but also may be madly in love with them. When you focus on being in a loving, respectful, kind and happy relationship, it doesn’t mean the abusive person will change, but your desire to move out of the cycle of abuse will, and therefore the space is freed up for someone else who fits the bill, to enter your life. Basically, a painful shoe will slip off, you will heal, and a comforting pair of new shoes will inevitably arrive. Visualisation increases self-worth, self-love, creates focus, you develop a deeper understanding of the self and the journey of life has meaning again.

1.My husband and I share a cordial relationship, and there is no love now. Though financially he supports me, do I still stay in the marriage?

Depends on why you got married, what marriage means to you and what you are willing to do to stay married. You have to weigh your ability/desire to work and earn your living or and if not, then resign yourself to willing co-exist peacefully as long as your financial needs are met. Both are clearly role playing, and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s all about what matters to you and what you are ready to sacrifice to have it.

2. I am in love with a man who has divorced twice and he has two daughters. We share good communication. He seems quite nice to me. He has been caring and not too pushy about things which I really appreciate.  However, I am worried  – he was divorced twice! Should I take the plunge? Should I go ahead and say yes to him?

The fact that he is divorced whether once, twice or ten times only demonstrates that he is not willing to stay stuck in unhappy spaces and that should in fact make you happy as he knows more and more what creates his happy space. However, if they left him because he was abusive, then walk out and never look bak.

3. like this lady who is single and 10 years older to me. We share a good rapport. She has divorced earlier but seems like a sorted woman. I feel there is a great connect that I feel with her. But we do not have a physical relationship yet. Should I ask for a live-in a relationship with her?

I suggest you initiate a full-fledged relationship before jumping into a live-in arrangement. This way both of you are able to understand each other and gauge each other without pressure or expectations or public scrutiny, especially given the age difference which will definitely raise eyebrows.




Views expressed above are the author’s own.



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