Diwali populism: India’s economy is in a historical recession and politicians are planning to hand out Diwali gifts

Donald Trump: Aww shucks, India. I heard you guys are in a terrible recession. To help your fireworks industry, I’m ordering some Diwali rockets so I can blast away all those illegal votes against me. And if they still force me out of the White House, am gonna get one of those big Sivakasi bombs.

Joe Biden: Dear India, may I please gift wrap Trump and send him to you as a special Diwali gift? You could put him in one of the many Trump towers coming up in your country.

Narendra Modi: Mitron, this Diwali I will be doing a special Mann ki Baat via Zoom in 15 languages, simulcast on every news channel on prime time, streamed live on Facebook, Twitter and every single platform known to humankind.

Nitish Kumar: Hurray, I’m Bihar CM again. This Diwali I gift several new bridges to Bihar and solemnly promise they won’t collapse immediately after inauguration.

Tejashwi Yadav: My fellow Biharis, I’m gifting you diyas since you didn’t choose the lantern.

Rahul Gandhi: Dear President Obama, after you wrote about me in your memoirs, I’m sending you a special gift. It’s a DVD of the film ‘Jab We Met’.

Amit Shah: This Diwali, am gifting all Bengalis a Bangla translation of the Arthashastra on how to win elections.

Mamata Banerjee: I’ve written a special book of poems in Bangla which Amit Shah ji can’t hope to understand. I’m gifting this book to all proud Bengalis who have nothing to do with Amit Shah ji.

Uddhav Thackeray: I’m gifting a special TV remote to all, to ensure that our republic is free of Republic.

Arvind Kejriwal: Since pollution can’t be tackled and hospitals are full, this Diwali I’m gifting every proud Dilliwallah a special aam aadmi mask.

Shashi Tharoor: For the purposes of ostentatious presentation, keeping in mind celebratory sentiments of efflorescent festivity, in honour of the baroque yet tumultuous vocabulary of democracy, I’m gifting everyone a free copy of my 100th book, as a heuristic device for universal political comprehension.

Nirmala Sitharaman: I’m gifting every household a packet of onions and garlic even though I don’t eat onions.

Citizens: Dear politicians, please don’t give us gifts. Only cash please.

DISCLAIMER : This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.


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