Taming Your Inner Critic: 7 Steps to Silencing Your Inner Critic and Boosting Your Confidence

The conversation you have with yourself may be beneficial or detrimental to the result you want. As you enter a cocktail party, if your inner monologue repeats, “I’m going to embarrass myself” or “No one will talk to me,” you will not appear relaxed and approachable. You will lack confidence in an interview or meeting if you believe, “I’ll never get this job” or that your ideas will not be taken seriously.

While your inner critic can help you identify areas for improvement, excessively negative self-talk will lower your confidence and self-worth while decreasing your chances of achieving what you want in life.

Dr Malini Saba, psychologist, founder, Anannke Foundation, presents ways to tame your inner critic and silence the negativity so that you can be a productive and useful advisor to yourself:

1. Understand your thoughts
   We get so used to hearing our own narrations that it’s easy to become oblivious to the messages that we’re sending ourselves. Observe your thoughts and recognise that just because you believe something to be true does not mean that it is. Create a word or phrase to repeat whenever you hear yourself criticising yourself. For instance, I’m unique, and that’s my superpower.
2. Identify your critic by name
   You can detach yourself from your inner critic by naming it. When they come out, isolate yourself from them. You can also say phrases such as “I don’t have time for you” or “Leave me alone.”
3. Examine the evidence
   Recognise excessive negative notions. Check the evidence if you believe, “I’ll never be a YouTuber and run my own business.” Writing is sometimes helpful. Create a line down the centre of the paper. Provide your evidence on one side. Document the counterevidence. Examining the evidence from both viewpoints can help you think more rationally and less emotionally.
4. Think about what you’d advise a friend
   If a friend expressed self-doubt, you would likely refrain from saying, “You can’t do anything right” or “You’re so stupid.” However, we tell ourselves this frequently. You might instead tell a friend, “You made a mistake, but it’s not the end of the world” or “It’s unlikely that today’s performance will actually get you fired.” Consider yourself a friend, and apply these encouraging remarks to your life.
5. Replace criticisms with validated instances
   Transform an excessively pessimistic thought into a statement that is more rational and realistic. When you find yourself thinking, “I never do anything right,” replace it with a balanced statement such as, “Sometimes I do things really well, and sometimes I don’t.” Respond with the more accurate statement each time you find yourself pondering an overly negative thought.
6. Consider the ramifications if your thought was right
   It is tempting to envision an accident turning into a catastrophe. However, the worst-case circumstance is seldom as dire as we anticipate. If you believe you will disgrace yourself during a presentation, how terrible would that be? If you humiliate yourself, would you be able to recover, or would it be career-ending? Reminding yourself that you are capable of handling stressful situations increases confidence and reduces the constant barrage of worries.
7. Acceptance and self-improvement should be balanced
   Accept your flaws but resolve to correct them, as it is possible to excel in your field while addressing your shortcomings. While acknowledging your social anxiety, you can resolve to become more comfortable when speaking in public. Accepting your vulnerabilities in the present does not imply you must always be vulnerable in the future.

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